so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
