i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
