I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Randomize
