I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
