Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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