Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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