I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
