her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
