I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
