my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
