biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
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