i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
