So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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