Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
