I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
