You're so nebulous sometimes
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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