I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
COCAINE IS GR8
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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