i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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