I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
