dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
