last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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