it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
