She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
