If you die in college, do you die in real life?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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