she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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