my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
