so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
