You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
