zippers are such a cool invention
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
