Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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