I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
