The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
