Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
