Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Where is the hickey?
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
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