i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
