its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
