apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
