Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
