my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
