I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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