I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
