what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
