how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
