is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
