so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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