there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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