4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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