I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
