too bad you live with your parents still
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
