I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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