I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I love you. Go after that dick
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
