Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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